Phone Sex
Uncle Andrew
Margaret, Shawn and I were just watching South Park (has anyone else noticed that Trey Parker and Matt Stone seem to be off their game this season?) when a commercial came on for the LG VX9800 cell phone. It just so happens that I’m due for a new phone sometime soon, and this ad pushed all my “gimmie” buttons.
“Oooooooooooo”, I said.
“Eh, looks like it’ll give you brain cancer,” Shawn said.
“Yeah, but holy shit, just look at it,” I mumbled, mesmerized.
“It’ll give you brain cancer!” Margaret shouted.
“It’s giving me an erection,” I replied.
That’s when she hit me with a sofa cushion.
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November 3rd, 2005 at 3:36 am
Tricia and I went looking for new phones and service recently. Our previous service through Qwest was spotty and unreliable and the selection of phones was severely limited in terms of bling.
Ultimately, we chose T-Mobile based on price and strength of signal at locations like home and work. Also, The phones we chose do more than we can currently use (Bluetooth and HotSpot service) though they don’t match the LG model you find so droolworthy.
There are some things about my phone I would change if I could. I did not want a flip phone. Flip phones have hinges that break. I prefer a medium sized candy bar phone. Something you can tuck against your ear, leaving both hands free, without hyper-extending the hinge. Also, flip phones don’t do well when dropped.
Given my druthers, I would select a ruggedized phone. It would have all the features of my current phone but with an impact and water resistant case and maybe some bumpers on the sides to provide protection when dropped. The phone would be almost twice as long as my flip phone with a redundant battery. It would be able to charge the spare battery while running off the other plus be able to switch between batteries automatically when the active battery is low. If only such a phone existed.
November 3rd, 2005 at 10:20 am
I must say, however, that if Joe reported getting an erection for a phone during our search, I’d have hit him with a sofa cushion myself. And I’d probably follow that up with a minimum of several days of bad jokes at his expense.
November 3rd, 2005 at 3:02 pm
Joke all you want; I’m used to people like you failing to understand my forbidden love…. 😮
November 3rd, 2005 at 4:18 pm
I know how you feel about the flip phones, Joe; I’d love to avoid them myself. However, Verizon doesn’t seem to have much in the way of candy bars left in their arsenal, and I’m quite happy with their service overall so I don’t see the need to switch carriers in order to avoid a flip phone.
And in case anyone cares, I would never actually buy one of those LG über-phones, at least not from the perch of my current tax bracket. The feature I love the most (Internet access with a semi-decent screen and keyboard) costs too much to justify the investment.
November 3rd, 2005 at 4:19 pm
To paraphrase the Red Dwarf episode “D.N.A.”:
“No cell phone should be giving a human being a double polaroid!”
November 4th, 2005 at 9:39 am
“That’s when she hit me with a sofa cushion.”
–As well she should have. Did she whap you upside the head with a plushie virus toy for posting this? 😉 :p
As for ideal cell phones, I keep looking for one I’d be willing to upgrade to – tough, no stupid camera/pac-man/wurlitzer doodads, simple interface with decently-sized number buttons, and really long battery life between recharges. I keep failing to find one, which is why I’m still carrying around my brick. I’m hoping that eventually the greying-hair set will be enough of a market force to the cell-hone manufacturers that they’ll reintroduce some simple, easy-to-use, hard-to-damage phones that aren’t as big as my brick.
November 4th, 2005 at 9:59 am
In all honesty, the phone I already own (a little Nokia somethingorother Chiclet phone) has most of the features I want, with the exception of two: voice dialing and Bluetooth. I find it nearly impossible to avoid making the occasional call while I’m on the road, and I’d love to be able to just say, “Steve work” and have my phone dial Steve’s extension at Fungi Perfecti. And I’m getting more and more interested in shedding the cord on my headset, irrespective of the prospective risks inherent in Bluetooth (viruses, EMF poisoning, etc.)
November 4th, 2005 at 4:13 pm
Hey there, all you Geeks in cyberspace…here’s one vote from a Geezer who wants Only One Thing from his phone: to make a phone call! My little, simple-minded Nokia, which comes free with my (cheap but good) T-Mobile service does just that. I’m happy, and am definitely NOT lusting over the latest techno-wonder which does everything, and all at once. So there!
November 6th, 2005 at 11:50 am
I my self want a giant 1980’s style mobile phone like them suave fellas on “Miami Vice” would use! Just customize it with a rotary dial and I would be in heaven!
November 10th, 2005 at 4:39 am
Sean:
Along those lines have you seen this?
November 10th, 2005 at 7:17 am
That is so effin’ cute! Not give-me-a-phone-stiffy cute, but very cool nonetheless.